How should one pray for a person who is terminally ill?

Responsa in a Moment

Volume 19, Number 1

November 2024 

How should one pray for a person who is terminally ill?

(Yoreh Deah 335:6)

In memory of Judy Segal z”l
Who pursued goodness and kindness
all the days of her life (cf. Psalm 23:6)
Who passed away 7 Marheshvan 5785
May her memory be a blessing.

Question from Rabbi David Paran, Pardes Hanna: On Shabbat, I received a question from a community member and would appreciate your assistance in responding to him. Should we pray for the recovery of a person on their deathbed who requests not to prolong their life? The community member asked after already mentioning the patient’s name in the “Mee Sheberakh for the sick.” My initial response was that the prayer is for the healing of the soul and body of the patient, so we prayed for the well-being of that patient and for the reduction and healing of their suffering. But I promised him to check if there is a reasoned and detailed answer. Thank you very much!

Responsum: Indeed, this is a dilemma that has already been discussed by many halakhic authorities (see the Bibliography below). I am copying Reuven Karni from Ramat Yishai on this email since he asked me the same question five years ago, and I was abroad at the time and could not give him a detailed reply. Here are the approaches that I have found.

I. A person is permitted to pray to God for his/her death

 This is what we learn from three famous stories, two from the Bible and one from the Babylonian Talmud.

1. 1. It is related in 1 Kings, Chapter 19:

1.Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done and how he had killed all the prophets with the sword. 2. Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “So may the gods do to me, and more also, if I do not make your life as the life of one of them by this time tomorrow.” 3. Then he was afraid, and he arose and ran for his life and came to Beersheba, which belonged to Judah, and left his servant there. 4. But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying: “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my ancestors.”

2. And so we are told in the Book of Jonah, Chapter 4: 

1. But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. 2. And he prayed to the Lord and said: “O Lord, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster. 3. Therefore now, O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live.” 4. And the Lord said, “Do you do well to be angry?” 5. Jonah went out of the city and sat to the east of the city and made a booth for himself there. He sat under it in the shade, till he should see what would become of the city. 6. Now the Lord God appointed a plant and made it come up over Jonah, that it might be a shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort. So Jonah was exceedingly glad because of the plant. 7. But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the plant, so that it withered. 8. When the sun rose, God appointed a scorching east wind, and the sun beat down on the head of Jonah so that he was faint. And he asked that he might die and said, “It is better for me to die than to live.” 9. But God said to Jonah, “Do you do well to be angry for the plant?” And he said, “Yes, I do well to be angry, angry enough to die.”

3. And so it is related about Honi Hame’agel [the Circle Maker] in Ta’anit 23a.

After sleeping for seventy years, Honi awoke and went to his home, but they did not believe that he was Honi. He then went to the Bet Midrash and told them that he was Honi, but they too did not believe him and did not honor him. The story ends: “He became distressed, prayed for mercy, and died.”

One could perhaps argue that these are Biblical stories or Talmudic legends and not halakhot, but as many scholars have emphasized — from Rabbi Zvi Hirsch Chajes in 1842 until today — in many cases, Jewish laws and customs have been derived from stories and legends. ⁽¹⁾

II. It is permissible to pray for someone else to die if they are suffering greatly

1. There is a well-known story in Bava Metzia 84a about Rabbi Yohanan and Resh Lakish. According to the story, Rabbi Yohanan brought Resh Lakish closer to Judaism, taught him Bible and Mishnah, and made him a “great man.” Subsequently, they had a falling-out and stopped speaking to each other, and Resh Lakish died. Rabbi Yohanan then fell into a deep depression, and his student, Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat, tried to console him without success. Rabbi Yohanan began to tear his clothes, weep, and cry out until he lost his sanity. The story ends: “The rabbis prayed for mercy on him, and he died.”

2. A second well-known story — about the death of Rabbi Judah the Prince, known as “Rebbe” — appears in Ketubot 104a. Rebbe suffered severe pain from an intestinal disease. Initially, his learned handmaid prayed for him to live. When she saw how much he was suffering, she prayed for him to die. When the Sages did not stop praying for his recovery, she threw a pitcher from the roof, they stopped praying for a moment because of the noise, and “Rabbi’s soul departed” [he died]. The Talmud there does not express any objection to what Rebbe’s handmaid did.

Indeed, quite a few halakhic authorities emphasized that one can learn halakhah from Rebbe’s handmaid in this story just as one learns halakhah from her in Mo’ed Katan 17a. It is related there that Rebbe’s handmaid saw a man beating his grown son, and she excommunicated him because he violated the commandment “You shall not put a stumbling block before the blind” (Leviticus 19:14). In other words, he would cause his grown son to hit him back, and the son would thereby violate “He who strikes his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Exodus 21:15). The Talmud reports there that the Sages honored her excommunication of that man for three years. Moreover, the major halakhic authorities ruled like her that one excommunicates someone if they violate “You shall not put a stumbling block before the blind” (Maimonides, Talmud Torah 6:14, and from there in Shulhan Arukh Yoreh De’ah 334:43, and also Maimonides, Mamrim 6:9).

3. In the Talmudic passage that deals with visiting the sick in Nedarim 40a, the Talmud quotes a statement of Rav Dimi and corrects it: “Anyone who does not visit the sick does not request mercy for him, neither that he should live nor that he should die.” The Ran, Rabbeinu Nissim Girondi (ca. 1310-1375), writes in his commentary on the page: “It seems to me that this is what he is saying: Sometimes one must request mercy for the sick person to die, such as when the sick person is suffering greatly in his illness and it is impossible for him to live.” And then he quotes the story about Rebbe’s handmaid in Ketubot 104a. In other words, he learns from the halakhic discussion in Nedarim and from the story about Rebbe’s handmaid in Ketubot that sometimes one must pray for a sick person to die.

Many halakhic authorities have relied on the Ran and ruled that it is permissible to pray for a terminally ill patient who is suffering greatly to die. They are, in chronological order (see details in the Bibliography): Rabbi Yisrael Lipschitz (1782-1860) in Tiferet Yisrael on the Mishnah; Tiferet Ya’akov on Tiferet Yisrael; Rabbi Yehiel Mikhl Epstein; Rabbi Yekutiel Yehudah Greenwald; Rabbi Reuven Margaliot; Rabbi Solomon Freehof; Rabbi Simhah Hacohen Kook; Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Braun; Rabbi Moshe Feinstein; Rabbi David Feldman; Rabbi Elliot Dorff; Rabbi Yitzhak Yosef based on many halachic authorities and on two stories about famous rabbis, including his father, who prayed for a terminally ill patient to die; Rabbi Gabriel Goldman; and Rabbi Ovadia Yosef who relies on nine halachic authorities who ruled like the Ran.⁽²⁾

III. It is permissible for a stranger to pray for someone to die, but it is forbidden for relatives to do so.

Rabbi Chaim Palache (or: Palaggi, Izmir, 1788-1868) ruled in his responsa Hikikei Lev that it’s permissible for a stranger to pray for someone to die, but it’s forbidden for relatives to do so, lest the relatives’ motive be that they do not want to care for him for a long time. In other words, in his opinion, the relatives should remain passive (shev ve’al ta’aseh), neither asking for him to live nor to die. Indeed, Rabbi Yisrael Meir Lau and Rabbi Hayyim David Halevi ruled like him, but Rabbi Ovadia Yosef wrote that this distinction between relatives and strangers “is not necessary. Even the relatives can pray quietly for a patient who is suffering greatly to die, and we should not issue decrees from our own minds”. Indeed, in the specific case of the author of Hikikei Lev, his suggestion is puzzling. It was about a woman who had been ill for over twenty years, and her husband and sons cared for her devotedly, and they did not want to pray for her to die as she had requested. In other words, it is clear that they had no ulterior motive; they wanted what was best for the patient.

IV. It is forbidden to pray for a person to die.

This is the ruling of Rabbi Waldenberg in the five places listed below in the Bibliography. Here are his two main arguments:

1. Indeed, Rebbe’s handmaid prayed for Rebbe to die, but the Sages in the story continued to pray for him to live.
2. The Ran’s opinion is a solitary opinion that was not codified by Maimonides, the Tur, the Shulhan Arukh, nor by their commentators.

I have great respect for Rabbi Waldenberg’s opinions, especially in matters of medicine and halakhah, but in this case, his arguments are not convincing. The fact that this opinion is not mentioned by Maimonides, the Tur, and the Shulhan Arukh is an “argument from silence”, which is always a weak argument. On the other hand, it appears from the story in Ketubot and from the attitude of the Sages towards Rebbe’s handmaid in Mo’ed Katan 17a that the Sages agreed with the actions of Rebbe’s handmaid. In any case, almost all modern halakhic authorities have ruled in accordance with the Ran; Rabbi Waldenberg’s opinion is almost a solitary opinion. (For another strict opinion, see Sefer Yishrei Lev quoted by Prof. Steinberg, note 412)

V. One should not despair of prayer, even when it’s for a very sick person who has no chance of recovery according to the laws of nature.

This was the opinion of Rabbi Ya’akov Yisrael Kanievsky, “The Steipler” (1899-1985) as summarized by Rabbi Jason Weiner: perhaps prayer will lessen the patient’s suffering; perhaps the patient will live a little longer; “even if a sharp sword rests upon a person’s neck, they should not refrain from asking for mercy” (Berakhot 10a); even if the prayers do not heal, they bring merit to the patient; these prayers can benefit other patients and the community as a whole.

VI. It’s permissible to pray that God does what is best for the patient and that the patient should not suffer. ⁽³⁾

This was the ruling of Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (1910-1995), as quoted in Lev Avraham:

A terminally ill patient for whom medicine has no treatment who is suffering, I heard from Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zatzal that one should not pray for a complete recovery for such a patient because that is a request for a miracle, but rather one should pray that God, Blessed be He, in His mercy, will do what is best for the patient and that he should not suffer (and cf. Weiner, pp. 94-95).

There is a similar prayer by Rabbi Ovadia Yosef (1920-2013) in Hazon Ovadia, Avelut, part I, p. 39:

A patient who is suffering greatly from severe and bitter pains and the doctors have despaired of his life, and he asks his visitors to pray for him to die, because his death is better than his life, if it is clear that the patient has no chance of living, one should pray quietly to God, Blessed-be-He:

“Please, O Lord, have compassion and mercy on the patient [so and so] to let him live; and if a decree has already been issued against him, please remove his suffering, and do what is good in Your eyes.”

It should be emphasized that there is a long halachic discussion in the note there, but this prayer was apparently composed by Rabbi Ovadia Yosef himself.

Rabbi Gabriel Goldman: After citing the opinion that it’s permissible to pray for a terminal patient that he should die, he adds:

One can pray to God to do what is good in His eyes for the patient.

Reuven Karni from Ramat Yishai composed a prayer in this spirit for his brother Jeff Cory, of blessed memory. And this is his prayer:

A Prayer for Jeff
May He who blessed our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob,
And our mothers Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah,
Bless our brother, brother-in-law and uncle,
Jeffrey-Joseph, son of Flora.
May the Holy One, Blessed-be-He, have mercy on him,
take him in His arms, embrace him and keep watch over him.
May He give him strength for the days that lie ahead,
keep up his spirit,
and grant him peace of mind and peace of body.
May that be Your will; and let us say: Amen

VII. Summary and Practical Halakhah

1. It is permissible for a patient to pray to God to let him die, as we have seen in the cases of Elijah, Jonah, and Honi Hame’agel.
2. It is permissible to pray to God for a relative or friend to die if he is a terminally ill patient suffering from pain that the doctors have determined cannot be cured. This is proven from the story of Rabbi Yohanan; the story of Rebbe’s handmaid; the Talmud in Nedarim; the Ran ; and the many halakhic authorities who ruled like the Ran.
3. On the other hand, one may pray that God should do what is best for the patient and minimize his suffering.

May God assist the doctors in healing those who are ill and may we see the fulfillment of Prophecy: “He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces” (Isaiah 25:8).

David Golinkin
Jerusalem
7 Av 5784; 9 Marheshvan 5785

Notes

1. There is extensive literature on this subject. See, for example, Rabbi Zvi Hirsch Chajes, “Darkei Hora’ah,” Part II, in: Kol Sifrei Maharatz Chajes, Vol. I, Jerusalem, 1958, pp. 243-253; Menachem Elon, Hamishpat Ha’ivri, third edition, Jerusalem, 1988, pp. 84-92; Moshe Lavee, AJS Review 37/2 (2013), pp. 285-313; Rabbi Immanuel Bernstein, Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society LXX (Fall 2015), pp. 47-79.
2. There is a story about Rabbi Ada bar Ahavah which teaches that one may pray for the death of another person, but it’s a strange story which requires further study. See Yerushalmi Shabbat Chapter 19, ed. Venice, fol. 17a at bottom = Yerushalmi Yevamot 8:1, fol. 9a with the commentary of the Radal in Yerushalmi Shabbat 19:2, ed. Vilna, fol. 87b at bottom vs. Rabbi Prof. Saul Lieberman, Sifrei Zuta, New York, 1968, p. 9 and note 35.
3. Cf. the prayer for a goses [a person who is very near death] quoted by Rabbi Yitzhak Lampronti, Pahad Yitzhak, s.v. Goses, No. 7 = Steinberg, col. 417.

  Bibliography

Abraham —  אברהם סופר אברהם, נשמת אברהם, חלק יורה דעה, ירושלים, תשמ”ה, עמ׳ רט”ו-רט”ז

Abraham — אברהם סופר אברהם, לב אברהם, מהדורה חדשה מורחבת, ירושלים, תשס”ט, עמ׳ 59

Auerbach — הרב שלמה זלמן אויערבך המובא שם

Braun — הרב שלמה זלמן ברוין, שערים המצוינים בהלכה לקיצור שלחן ערוך קצ”ד, הערה ב’, מהד’ ד’, ירושלים-ניו יורק, תשמ”ז, חלק רביעי, עמ’ רצ”ו

Dorff — Rabbi Elliot Dorff, Matters of Life and Death, Philadelphia and Jerusalem, 1998, pp. 197-198 and note 48

Epstein — ‘הרב יחיאל מיכל עפשטיין, ערוך השלחן יורה דעה של”ה:ג

Feinstein — ‘הרב משה פיינשטיין, מוריה אלול תשמ״ד, עמ׳ נ”ב המצוטט אצל נשמת אברהם = אגרות משה, חושן משפט, חלק ב’, סימן ע”ג, סעיף א’; וכן סימן ע”ד, סעיפים א’, ד

Feldman — Rabbi David Feldman, Health and Medicine in the Jewish Tradition, New York, 1986, p. 31

Freehof — Rabbi Solomon Freehof, Reform Responsa, 1960, No. 27

Goldman — הרב גבריאל גולדמן, מעולם ועד עולם, מהדורה ג’, ירושלים, 2010, עמ׳ 46

Greenwald — הרב יקותיאל יהודה גרינוואלד, כל בו על אבלות, ניו יורק, תש”ז, עמ׳ 21-20

Halevi — הרב חיים דוד הלוי, עשה לך רב, חלק ה’, תשובות בקיצור, סימן קי”ב; וחלק ט’, סימן כ”ב

Kook — הרב שמחה הכהן קוק, תורה שבעל פה י”ח (תשל”ו), עמ’ פ”ז

Lau — הרב ישראל מאיר לאו, תורה שבעל פה כ”ה (תשמ”ד), עמ’ ס”ג

Lipshitz — ‘הרב ישראל ליפשיץ, תפארת ישראל למשנה יומא בסוף, בועז, אות ג

Margaliot — הרב ראובן מרגליות, נפש חיה לאורח חיים, מהדורה ב’, תל אביב, תשי”ד, אורח חיים רצ”ב, עמ’ 80

Palache (Pallagi) — ‘הרב חיים פלאג׳י, חקקי לב, חלק א’, שאלוניקי, ת”ר, יורה דעה, סימן נ׳, המצוטט גם אצל ציץ אליעזר חלק ה

Shapira — הרב יעקב צבי שפירא, תפארת יעקב על הרב ליפשיץ, תפארת ישראל הנ”ל (המצוטט בנשמת אברהם)

Steinberg — הרב פרופ’ אברהם שטינברג, אנציקלופדיה הלכתית רפואית, כרך רביעי, ירושלים, תשנ”ד, ערך “נוטה למות”, טורים 417-415

Waldenberg –

 הרב אליעזר ולדינברג, ציץ אליעזר, רמת רחל בסוף חלק ה׳, סימן ה’;
חלק ז׳ סימן מ”ט, פרק י”ג;
חלק ט’, סימן מ”ז;
חלק י”ח, סוף סימן מ”ח;
חלק י”ט, סימן י’.

Weiner — Rabbi Jason Weiner, Jewish Guide to Practical Medical Decision Making, Jerusalem and New York, 2017, pp. 93-104

Yosef — הרב עובדיה יוסף, חזון עובדיה, אבלות, חלק א’, ירושלים, תש”ע, עמ׳ ל”ט-מ”א

Yosef — הרב יצחק יוסף, ילקוט יוסף, ביקור חולים ואבלות, ירושלים, מהדורת תשס״ד, עמ׳ ס”ג-ס”ו 

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